Fic: Just What You've Always Wanted, (Sam/Dean, PG) Part 2 of 3

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Back to Part 1
****

“Ah, there’s our patient, how are you doing, Sam?” Mary asked when she spotted Sam lurking in the doorway. She was tossing a green salad that made Sam’s mouth water.

“Sammy, you’re up, how’s the leg feeling?” Dean asked, stirring the spaghetti and the meat sauce they’d cooked up.

“We made so much food, hope you’re hungry, c’mon and sit down before you fall down,” Jess said, motioning him towards the table set for four.

Sam sat and watched them finish fixing the meal, rubbing at a particularly sore spot on his leg near the stitches. It was really throbbing now, whatever Dean had given him had definitely worn off.

Dean sat next to him, with two beers and a bottle of painkillers. “Time for another dose if you need it.”

“After I eat something, yeah, thanks,” Sam said in a quiet voice. He felt like he was in shock still, being shot, having Dean’s miraculous return alive with Mary and Jess showing up. Oh and the world didn’t come to an end either. A lot had happened. He grabbed the beer bottle Dean had put by his place setting and drank deeply, trying to quell the surge of worry about all of it.

“Take it easy there,” Dean said in a voice low enough that only Sam could hear.

“Cas still isn’t here, huh?” Sam asked.

“Not yet, no, maybe he’s taking the long way home,” Dean said.

“It’s been hours and hours by now, where do you think he is?” Sam asked.

“No idea, dude. You know how he gets sometimes, maybe this is one of those,” Dean said.

“Have you gone down to the dungeon to check on our guest?” Sam asked as Mary and Jess brought over all the food.

Sam watched as Dean scooped up an enormous helping of spaghetti and meat sauce, leaving no room on his plate for salad.

“Nope, was saving that for later, let her stew for a while,” Dean said, twirling a forkful of spaghetti up.

“I went and checked on her about a half hour ago, just to make sure she was still secure,” Mary said, passing the salad over to Sam.

“Thanks, Mom,” Sam said, smiling at her and at himself, just for getting to say that. “Oh, uh, do you want us to call you Mary? It’s probably kind of weird to hear Mom again.”

“Either works for me, and I heard a rumor that I’m only supposed to call you Sam,” Mary said.

Sam blushed and nodded. Dean elbowed him in the ribs discreetly.

“When we were at Stanford, Sam would go off on people if they called him Sammy, it was hilarious,” Jess said with a wide-toothed grin.

“That’s because only I’m allowed to call him that, right, Sammy?” Dean asked with that fond voice Sam loved so much.

Sam barely held himself back from kissing his answer into Dean’s mouth.

Mary raised her beer bottle. “A toast to the world still being here thanks to my boys.”

“Here, here,” Jess said, clinking her bottle to Mary’s and the brothers in turn. “And to second chances.”

The four of them ended up having a relaxing dinner around the kitchen table, it was a pleasant surprise really. After all the weirdness of the last several days, to be able to sit down and have fairly normal conversations with two women he thought he’d never see again in this life. Okay, so that was weird. Another weird thing was Dean acting a little strange during their wide-ranging catch up conversation over dinner. Maybe it was just shock from all that had happened. Sam rubbed at the skin around the gunshot wound, where Dean had stitched him up, it was still really hurting.

“You taken anything for that?” Mary asked, eyes going down to where Sam’s leg was under the table.

“If you’ve got the good stuff, you should take it. It’ll help you heal up faster because it’ll make you rest,” Jess said.

“Here you go,” Dean said, tipping two of the big white pills out of the bottle onto the table near Sam’s hand. It was hard to say no when all three of them ganged up on him like this. Sam swallowed the painkillers down with the last of his beer.

“I’m surprised Cas still hasn’t shown up,” Sam said. “I’m starting to get a little worried about him.”

“He’s an angel, I’m pretty sure he can take care of himself,” Mary said.

“The angels used to talk about him, up there,” Jess said.

“Let me guess, funniest angel in the garrison?” Dean asked.

“No, he…uh, was known as Yorb Vovin,” Mary said.

“Dragon Roar, really?” Sam translated.

Dean burst out laughing, wheezing until his eyes overflowed. The rest of them joined in because they couldn’t help themselves.

~~~

After they were done eating and laughing, Dean and Mary wandered off talking about munitions and the bunker’s gun range, so Jess and Sam ended up doing the dinner dishes together. Sam took the opportunity to suss out how she was feeling about ending up here back on Earth stuck with them after being in Heaven.

“Tell me about what it was like getting here from Heaven,” Sam said.

“When Amara opened my door in Heaven, she caught me watching you, I was so worried about you, Sam. You were sure that Dean was dead because the sun was still shining and there was still a world, but all of a sudden, there Amara was in my Heaven, asking me if I wanted to come back and be with you.”

“You mean you got a choice?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, she said she knew how you felt so strongly about people having autonomy based on your life experiences. And I said yes absolutely, I wanted to come back. I didn’t have to even think about it,” Jess said.

“Why though, Jess? You were in Heaven, weren’t you happy?” Sam asked.

“Mostly happy, sure, but there weren’t a lot of people in my Heaven, because I died kind of young, so it was honestly getting kind of boring. Plus I was worried about you and how you were going to handle Dean dying again,” Jess said.

“Hold on, Amara didn’t tell you that Dean was still alive? That seems like some kind of a sneaky trick, don’t you think?” Sam asked.

“No, she didn’t mention it directly, but I guess I wasn’t all that surprised when Dean showed up here alive and well. Honestly, Amara seemed very okay with everything, she kept talking about how much she loved her brother, and had Dean to thank for it. That it was all because of Dean’s example of loving his own brother that she’d changed course. She didn’t seem like she’d just let Dean blow himself up,” Jess said.

“So, if you’d said no to her, you think she would have left you alone, let you stay in Heaven?” Sam asked.

“Sure, I guess. It wasn’t that long of a conversation really, I didn’t get to know her like you did,” Jess said.

“The Amara we were dealing with was absolutely ruthless, saw everything in black and white and had an ends-justify-the-means way of doing things. The Amara I know would have definitely just yanked you out anyway,” Sam said.

“Well, I’m telling you it’s what I would have picked. I’m here now to stay, and I’m happy about it. And I’m happy that you and Dean can be back together like you should be.”

“You know about us,” Sam said, his voice gone flat with the surprise. So that’s what Dean was acting strangely about at dinner.

“Yeah, Sam I know all about you two, and it’s okay, I swear. Besides, I always knew when we were together that you had a someone,” Jess said, handing him a plate to dry.

“A someone? I had you, Jess,” Sam said.

“No, I mean you had a someone from your past, a person that you hadn’t gotten over, or maybe wouldn’t ever really move on from. Once I started watching you from Heaven, I realized just how right I was,” Jess said.

“I’m…I’m really sorry, Jess. I tried so hard,” Sam said.

“Yeah, I know you did, Sam, I was there, remember? And you were wonderful, the best partner I ever had, well the only one, really. I’m just glad to see you got back to him after everything,” Jess said.

“I’m really glad you’re here, Jess,” Sam said, pulling her into a hug. It was so strange to hold her once again, his body still remembered her. He didn’t feel the desire for her that he used to feel and was happy that he wouldn’t have to deal with that sort of confusing conflict. He was all in for Dean now, had been for years by this point.

Sam was so deep in his thoughts and in enjoying finally getting to talk to Jess after so many years that he didn’t notice Dean observing their embrace from the kitchen doorway.

****

Dean was nowhere to be found after Sam and Jess had finished doing the dinner dishes. It had been fun to chat with her alone for a little bit, even though he was so used to doing the dishes with Dean. Sam showed Mary and Jess to their rooms and then went searching for his brother. He finally found Dean in one of the unused bedrooms, making up the small bed. There was a stack of Dean’s clothing folded neatly on the desk and several of his weapons arranged on the shelf. All the personal things that Dean treasured, the ones that were usually in their bedroom were now displayed on this dresser.

Several possibilities ran through Sam’s head to explain what was happening as he stood against the doorway watching his brother move robotically around the room. “Why’s all your stuff in here, Dean? Are we moving rooms or something?” Sam asked.

Dean’s shoulders slumped but he didn’t turn around to face Sam. “I figured you’d want to use that room with Jess, it’s—ya know…better set up for two.”

Sam watched as Dean shrugged and continued making up the small, single bed without facing him. He couldn’t think of anything to say. He was struck with a deep confusion at Dean’s words, maybe it was from the painkillers they’d forced on him at the end of dinner.

“Is this about Jess being back or something else that I’ve missed?” Sam asked.

“Why is Jess here, Sam?” Dean finally asked. “Is she still really what you’ve always wanted?”

“Hold on, let me get this straight, you’re assuming I’m just going to be with Jess now. You’re moving out of our room so that Jess and I can have it, with the big bed and everything,” Sam said.

Dean finally turned around and looked at him. Sam could see that he had been dead right, his brother was assuming all of that and probably a whole lot more. His heart sank as he realized that Dean was just giving up on them without a fight.

“She must be what you still really really want, otherwise Amara wouldn’t have brought her back,” Dean said in a low mumble.

Sam could see how much it was costing his brother to even speak, it was an awful terrible price to witness.

“Sure, Jess was who I wanted at some point, and all of what she represented, yeah, I’ll admit it. For a lot of years after she’d died she absolutely still was. But then…you know, you and me happened.”

Dean shrugged and looked at his stuff on top of the dresser instead of meeting Sam’s eyes, it was infuriating. Sam almost turned around and left but he noticed Dean’s tightly crossed arms and especially his hands. He could see how hard they were clenched around Dean’s elbows, so tight his brother’s knuckles were white. That stopped him, and it gave him the excuse he needed to be honest.

“Dean, I don’t want that anymore, none of it, not Jess, not normal or whatever. I just don’t want anything else other than us being together. That’s all I want or need, you and me like we are right now. I’m not sure where Amara got it from really.”

Even after all of that, Dean turned away and busied himself with putting his clothes away in the empty dresser drawers.

“Dean, you believe me right?” Sam asked after a long pause where Dean didn’t say anything.

Dean shrugged and looked away like his small pile of dirty laundry in the basket in the corner was the most interesting thing in the world. “Yeah, sure I do.”

Sam walked forward and pinched his brother’s shoulder causing Dean to flinch and whack at his hand. He grabbed at Dean’s hand and pulled him around to face him. “You have to believe me, Dean. In my heart, deep down, my whole life I only ever wanted you. But I have you, right? I already have you.”

“So?” Dean asked.

“So, Amara couldn’t give me what I already had,” Sam said, stopping himself from shaking Dean like he wanted to, so that he’d get finally get it through his thick head.

Dean thought about what Sam was trying to say. He eventually smiled at Sam’s words and nodded, laying his head on Sam’s shoulder with what sounded like a sigh of relief. “Can we just go to bed, Sammy?”

“Yeah, of course we can, but in the right room,” Sam said as he steered them out of the smaller room and down the hall to their larger one. Their room with their memory foam bed, and their soft blankets that smelled like them. He laid his brother out across the bed and proved it to him, slowly and thoroughly that he was the only person he wanted.

When Dean was struggling mightily to stay quiet Sam finally took pity on him and whispered. “I put Mom and Jess in rooms down in the other hallway.”

Dean relaxed then and let himself vocalize at just how good Sam was making him feel.

***

In the morning before they got out of their bed, Sam and Dean had a quiet conversation.

“So Jess and Mom are back, which is great—don’t get me wrong. But I keep wondering if they really even want to be?” Sam asked.

Dean groaned at having to think so early in the morning, then he glanced at the bedside alarm clock with its glowing green radium numbers, it was after ten, so not that early. “I guess it’s not up to them. I mean, we could try and ask Amara to send them back to Heaven, but I have no idea how we could contact her.”

“If they wanted to go back, we would figure out a way, right?” Sam asked.

Dean turned in his brother’s arms so he could see his face clearly, Sam was looking for a real answer here. “If they wanted to, yeah, of course we would,” Dean said. “You’re not thinking I’m going to try and make them stay?”

“Well…uh, I know how much you really wanted Mom around, and now she is all of a sudden. It would be hard to let her go so soon.”

“I want you to have a chance to have her in your life, Sammy. But if she’s unhappy or whatever then of course we’re going to work out how to get them back home to Heaven. What about Jess?”

“Same goes for Jess, you never got to know her, and I think that would be a good thing—for both of you,” Sam said.

“It’s got to be even weirder for Jess though, at least Mom had the hunting background,”  Dean said.

“Well, they both said they’d been watching us over the years, right? And last night when we were doing dishes, Jess mentioned that she was glad that she saw so much of our lives, so she could understand what had happened to her.”

“Huh, that’s pretty wild to think about, that your ex and our folks have been checking in on us all these years,” Dean said.

“Well, it sure helped the immediate situation here so that we could wake up in the same bed this morning. As far as I’m concerned, it’s all good,” Sam said.

“I wonder what they’re going to want to do?” Dean said.

“They might want to join our Scooby or Buffy gang, whatever the hell we’re calling it now,” Sam said.

“Can you even imagine, hunting with Mom? Or Jess for that matter?” Dean asked.

“No, not really, I can’t even picture it. But, Dean, the two of them, they’re not going to just sit around here or go get jobs or something. What would the point of being brought back even be then, right?”

“It’s up to them, they’re smart, they’ll work it out,” Dean said.

Talking about all this, got Dean up out of bed first. “I’m gonna go make us some coffee, see who else is up.”

****

As Dean took care of business in the bathroom and walked the halls to the kitchen, it seemed to him like no one else was up yet, even this late in the morning. And as it turned out, the only guest they still had to deal with in the bunker this morning was Lady Toni down in the dungeon.

There was a note from Mary and Jess stuck under the coffee pot:

Boys,

We’re going on a little road trip on our own. We need to get used to being alive again before we can figure things out with you.

We’ll be back. We will. We love you.

And by the way, just to reiterate: we’re okay with you being together like you are. Yeah, it’s weird, but like we said, we’ve been watching you all these years, so it’s not a surprise or anything. Now that we’ve seen it up close and personal, like your dad says, you are adorable together.

Hope the awful English lady is gone by the time we get back.

See you soon,

Love,

Mom and Jess

Dean yelled for Sam. “Sam! Sammy, you gotta come see this!”

Sam ran in from the hall, shirt half buttoned, jeans falling off his hips.

“What is it, are you okay?” Sam asked.

“They’re gone, both of them. Left us this note,” Dean said, holding out the piece of paper.

Sam read it, and frowned. Finally he looked up at Dean, his eyes watery. “They just left us.”

“Well, at least they wrote us a note, right? They’re coming back at some point, so we can get our act together and be a little more ready when they come home, right?” Dean asked, trying to put it in context, take the sting of it off a little.

“I guess,” Sam said, trailing off.

“Sammy, c’mon, don’t take it all personal, they just wanted to get their heads screwed on right, we’d probably have done the same kind of thing.” He hugged Sam briefly and then steered him towards his usual spot at the table where his coffee was waiting.

****

Cas showed up soon after they’d finished breakfast and had both almost finished freaking out about Jess and Mom just taking off like they had.

“I would have joined you here much earlier, Sam, but I had to dispatch several people who were lurking around the bunker entrance,” Cas said from the kitchen doorway.

Sam almost dropped the coffee pot he was drying in surprise.

“Well, hello to you too,” Dean said.

“Dean, we had assumed the worst. Why are you here?” Cas asked, tilting his head in confusion.

“I got Chuck and Amara to work things out, so here I am, back in one piece. Tell us about these people who were outside, Cas,” Dean said.

“They were associates of the woman who was here when Sam and I first returned to the bunker. Two men and one woman, dressed like special operations soldiers in black gear, with several strange looking guns. None of which worked on me, thankfully. They had the same accents as the woman in here, reminded me of Monty Python. Your mother and Jessica were under threat, but I protected them.”

“I think you’re letting him watch too much Netflix again, Sam,” Dean teased.

“He’s an adult, he makes his own choices,” Sam said.

“He needs limits, or at least context. For a being who’s lived among humans for so many thousands of years, it’s funny he doesn’t quite have a handle on that yet,” Dean said.

“Sam, you are injured,” Cas said, stepping forward and leaning down to lay a hand on Sam’s leg over the bullet wound.

“Cas, the three people, where are they exactly?” Sam asked, trying not to gasp from the sudden pain of his wound being healed with the angel’s grace.

“No where,” Cas said. “They are no where and they can stay there for as long as the world lasts as far as I am concerned. They were all intending you grievous harm.”

“What if we need to talk to them?” Sam asked. “We’re asking Toni questions, and it might be good to also—“

“Put what she says in context? Yes, I could see how that would be helpful,” Cas said.

“Give me a few days, I will return with them,” Cas said, poofing out of existence.

“I hate it when he leaves before we get the whole story,” Dean said.

“Well, he protected us from the bad guys, so what else is there to know? I don’t really want to know where he’s got them stashed, ‘no where’ could be some pretty bad places,” Sam said, not bothering to make the actual air quotes.

***

To Part Three